Fa La La La La, La La La La

I figured it would be time for an update, some of you haven't heard a word from me since my abrupt split from NCU. I don't know where this blog will go, so just bear (bare...??) with me.

So, I got a job at Cracker Barrel, hostessing. I enjoy it for the most part, it gets quite redundent at times though. Everyone I work with is really nice, but it did take them a while to warm up to me. I guess they go through a lot of host/esses there so they don't like to get attatched or anything. I think they realized that I'm not some stupid teenager who doesn't really need a job.

Christmas isn't the same without snow... :( BUT I get to go home in 15 days for the holiday!! WOOT! I miss my family so much, and my friends from home.

As far as friends go, I am lacking. I have all of you... 2,000+ miles away, but I'm not used to being alone. Your probably thinking "uhhh, rachel... you made friends at NCU quiet fast...." Yes, that is true, but here it is different. I'm not constantly around people my age so it's harder to connect with them. I wish it was easier to stay in contact with all of you, but it hurts so much! This may sound crazy but when I left, I was heartbroken. In a way I have never felt before. It was kind of like breaking up a 9 month relationship with about 50 people all in the same day. After a month of wallowing and crying I decided it had to stop.

November first I began excersing and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I started looking into the community colleges here and all of those kind of options. My dad suggested the Air Force once, and I soon dismissed it thinking that I wasntt cut out for something like that. THEN, I decided to take the iniative and actually look at the website. They have so many amazing oportunities for me. Then, I talked to a recruiter, and he told me I was a perfect candidate for USAF.  After BMT (Basic Military Training), I will start off making over $1,000 a month, with free housing and food. They will pay off my loans for me and pay for me to finish my degree. (perhaps at NCU... Idk yet). I will be able to travel the world, and get PAID for it, for those of you who know me well, know that I have ALWAYS wanted to do that!!

So, as soon as I can lose the weight I need to (I'm half-way there!!) I will be leaving for Lackland Air Force base in San Antonio Texas!! It is 6 weeks long and I can't talk to anyone outside of the base, no cell phones or anything!! It will be a totally crazy experience but I think that I will enjoy it!!

I wish I could call all of you, bu your schedules are so darn busy, I never know when is a good time. Please know that you can call me at ANYTIME!!! I'm here if you need me, and I LOVE you all sooooo much!

An ending...A beginning

Lessons in Swing Dancing

The past two weeks I have been going swing dancing with a group of people here at NCU. It is so fun!! I never would have seen myself doing something like this before. I can't wait to learn more about it and also to learn more about myself. Two of the guys I danced with tonight asked me the same question... "Why wont you let me lead?"

And my question to myself is... Why do I always need to know where I am going to go next? Why can't I just go where the person who's hands I'm in takes me?

It is the man's job to lead and I am supposed to follow trusting in him that he will not bring harm to me. And I'm not talking about dancing anymore.

Oh Lord, show me how to trust.

God is not the author of confusion

Time for an update, its been quite a while.

There is a lot going on right now. Mostly things to do with money and loans and school. BLECH!! If I dont get the money that I need by the end of this week, I have to withdraw and come back in January, which wouldn't necessarily be a BAD thing, its just that I'm supposed to be here, and I know that. God has revealed so many promises to me. I know that He would never dissapoint me or let me down, but there are so many things in this world that keep dragging me down. All of a sudden I feel something say "take a good look, cause it will all be gone soon". Do you know how I know that isn't from God? Becuase God doesn't tell you things that would tear you down, he builds you up. Even if what God is telling you isn't what you initially wanted to hear, He would make it be positive, not negative...right? God would not reveal something through his Living Word and then go back on that. GOD IS NOT THE AUTHOR OF CONFUSION. When God promises you something, He keeps that promise. I can't comprehend a love like that. There have only been a hand(hyphen)full of people that have been there for me so completely, and only for a short period of time before it got old. God doesn't get bored, even with ME.

Here are a few of the promises He has revealed to me in my prayer time.

Psalm 45- "The daughter of Tyre will come with a gift. Men of wealth will seek your favor."

Page 139 of an AMAZING book I am currently reading called "Kissed the Girls and made them cry." It's about restoring purity to a new generation. - "'Heb 4:12 For the Word of God is living and active.' Believe and draw near, for it longs to dance in your heart and whisper to you in the night. If we ask for Truth, God will share His discernment THROUGH HIS WORD"    How exciting!!! :)

Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perserverance; perserverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does NOT DISSAPOINT us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I DO NOT GIVE TO YOU AS THE WORLD GIVES. Do not let your hearts be troubled and DO NOT BE AFRAID."

I am amazed at the Lord right now. He has been so gracious and loving, but for some reason I can't shake this fear that something bad will happen, though I know that is not true. How can I know something so deeply and be scared at the same time? Am I not giving myself completely? What more do I have to do? NOTHING!! I know that all I have to do is be patient and trust in Him. But, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD?!?!?! Why couldn't He test me in some other area, one that doesn't affect my immediate future so much?

I'm a walking contradiction.... God help me.

For my love - Bethany Dillon